


Think About It

by leopardprintpants



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Broadway, Ghost Connor, Im sorry--, Suicide Attempt Mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 16:04:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leopardprintpants/pseuds/leopardprintpants
Summary: Evan wants to stop telling his lies. Connor reminds him how important they've become.Written audio for a scene in Dear Evan Hansen (OBC).





	Think About It

"I'm not doing this, I'm done," Evan shook his head, stepping away from Connor. Connor just stared at him.

"You can't just stop now."

"I don't think I can live with this anymore," Evan's voice was shaky.

"What about my parents?" Connor stepped forward and Evan moved further away, shaking his head again.

"No more emails."

"How can you do this to them?"

"No more Connor Project, no more orchard--"

"After everything they've done for you? They need you." Connor's tone was urging him to do something. Evan wasn't sure what it was.

"Need me? For what, to keep lying to them?" Evan whipped around, staring at the pale figure now in front of him. Connor stared him down. He turned back around almost immediately.

"That lie's the only thing that's keeping them together."

"That's not--that's not true."

"Oh, really? So they seemed like a pretty happy family when you met them?"

"I don't wanna lie anymore!" The shorter male shut his eyes closed and furrowed his brows.

"What about Zoe?" Connor moved forward again.

"Zoe said she just... she wants me," Evan tried to convince someone. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

"Right."

"Yes, yes, she likes me for who I am--"

"Except you didn't happen to mention that everything you've told her, it's all been one big fucking lie, did you?" Connor paused. "Oh, you've left that part out."

"So then what--um, what if I did tell her the truth?"

"She'll hate you," he responded immediately.

"No no no, maybe she would understand, maybe everyone would understand--"

"Everyone. Will hate you."

They started to talk over each other.

"Not if I could just, not if I could explain it, y'know?"

"You'll be right back to where you started--"

"No no no, I wanna be done with this! Stop--"

"--with no friends, nobody, nothing, of all--"

"I'm ready to be done with it!" Evan raised his voice desperately as he looked over his shoulder, opening his teary eyes to look at Connor again.

"If you really believe that, then why are you standing here talking to yourself? Again? You think you're going to turn around all of a sudden and start telling everyone the truth?" Connor's stare was sad, almost pitiful. "You can't even tell yourself the truth."

"What are you talking about?" He knew exactly what Connor was referring to. The thought of it made him feel sick. He watched Connor step closer.

"How'd you break your arm? How'd you break your arm, Evan?"

"I fell," he stated firmly, turning back to face the wall.

"Really, is that what happened?" The dead teen's voice was knowing.

"Yes! I was--!" Breathe, Evan reminded himself. He took a moment before continuing. "I lost my grip, and then I just... I fell, so..."

"Did you fall?" They both knew the truth. They both knew what Connor would say next. "... or did you let go?"

Evan felt tears rolling down his cheeks. He glared at the wall in disappointment. He was disappointed with who he was. What he had done. How he'd managed to fail even a simple task such as that.

Connor seemed to give him time to process the words before filling the tense silence again.

"You can get rid of me whenever you want. You can get rid of all of it. The Connor Project, the orchard. But then all that you're going to be left with--is you."

Evan pursed his lips to keep the bottom one from trembling. Connor waited for a response he knew wouldn't come before reminding Evan of his words.

"End of May or early June. This picture perfect afternoon we share." Connor moved right behind Evan, putting a cool hand on his left shoulder. "Drive the winding country road. Grab a scoop at Ala Mode, and then we're there."

Evan moved away and the other teen's arm fell.

"Think about it," the ghost of Connor Murphy said finally. Those three words seemed to make a huge weight of realization appear on Evan's shoulders. Not a moment afterwards, his presence was gone.

Evan slowly sunk to his knees, tear tracks stinging his skin.

What had he done?

**Author's Note:**

> This took a lot of replays...
> 
> Got the audio from colorful-unknown's YouTube animatic, which had a clip of the bootleg. I made up the actions they were doing since I couldn't see what they were actually doing through my tears--
> 
> I've got an instagram w/ happy DEH headcanon posts from scribs/cryptidsp00n on Tumblr!! Go look at them to cheer up :,))
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


End file.
